Brain Dump on Arranged Marriage

  My family was built on arranged marriages - I have never seen a couple I'm related to have romantic affection for each other. My parents grew to love each other, but only as friends. On their wedding anniversary, the most they do is hold hands, and my brother and I feel shocked by just that. In my family, getting married is a duty and responsibility. If you don’t marry someone when your family tells you to, it is as if you are disrespecting and disappointing them. This concept is not limited to my family - many cultures/families around the world view marriage as a job. Many people get banished or disowned from their families if they do not agree to an arranged marriage. This blog post will be a brain dump of my opinion on arranged marriages, which is part of what I thought about after reading “Marrying Absurd.”

The concept that marriage means everlasting stability and happiness might be why arranged marriages are so popular in many cultures, especially for families that are struggling. Families living in poverty might view marriage as a way to allow their kids (in most cases, their daughters) to live a smooth life. It is like a promise of financial stability. However, I think this concept is flawed. Unfortunately, in these situations, young girls are often married off to much older men who abuse them. Some part of me thinks it is not my position to say this, but another part of me thinks it needs to be said…if they have money but are living each second of their lives in pain and fear, how much better is their “new life”? How do parents know for sure that their children will be in a better life situation after they are married?

My aunt was forced to marry at the age of 16. Her husband’s mother was incredibly sick and was expected to pass away. She had one wish: to see her son getting married before she died. My grandparents were friends with his mother and not only wanted to fulfill her wish but became very excited at the thought of their daughter getting married. My aunt had to give up her education, her hobbies, and her entire life to serve a man who is much older than she is. She was ranked at the top of her classes, was a great runner, and sings like an angel. As if this isn’t great already, her character overpowers all of this. She is incredibly kind, witty, and intelligent, but her entire life got taken away from her - she now cooks and cleans for a man who does not even treat her well. He does not show any appreciation for her yet he eats the food she cooks and wears the clothes she washes. What really annoys me is that while my aunt got married at 16, my father got married at 34. The most upsetting part is that to this day, my grandparents think they made the right decision. Oh, and my uncle’s mother? She lived. She is still alive.

As sad as it is, due to the traditions of my family/culture, I already know that sometime in the next eight years or so, I will be in a position where I am forced to marry someone my family deems right for me, whatever the reasons behind it are. I probably won’t even know who the man is. I will have graduated college and maybe will be working on getting a master's degree in the field I pursue, but that won’t mean anything when it comes to “fulfilling my duty” in the family. I will do as much as I can to not let that happen - I know that my family will be disappointed in me, but if I ever marry, I want it to be to someone I genuinely love, trust, have fun around, and someone who has been there for me through the ups and downs. It is up to our generation to make this a reality for everyone in these situations. Although some may want to speak up, many people who are forced to marry someone also receive threats if they do not, so although they strongly do not want to get married at that time to that person, they are putting themselves in danger if they refuse to do so. To prevent this from constantly happening to others, we must speak out and act against arranged marriages if we have the opportunity. No child deserves to grow up fearful of what their future will be like regarding arranged marriage.