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Thank you :)

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First off, I’m deeply indebted to Mrs. Feldkamp. She taught us so much both in and outside of the curriculum. Inside the classroom, she helped me realize everything I previously stated. Outside of the classroom, she taught me that: It’s okay not to be okay :) There is not always one right answer to a given problem There are multiple ways to perceive an event, and how we choose to perceive it knowing all the details matters. I also love talking to you about general things like how our day went or about stressful tennis matches haha, thanks for making every day better, Mrs. Feldkamp! I’d also like to thank the class in general for teaching me to think in new ways and for alleviating each other’s pain throughout the year. I loved making fun of book characters and struggling through this year together. You showed me new ways to think in and out of the classroom and encouraged me to do better in general. Thanks for making this year much easier than it would’ve been without y’all! Additional...
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Grow as You Go

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     When I try to recall what I have learned over the past four years, the first things I think of weren’t academic at all (to be fair, I can’t remember anything from half of my classes last year). Cliche, yes, but I have learned more from my experiences and the people I have met. There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t know where to start, which brings me to the idea that you don’t always have to be totally prepared to begin something. Take Harkness discussions, for example - the most thrilling realizations were always thought of on the spot. And for essays, sometimes you just have to start writing to unravel more thoughts. Yes, a plan in most situations is a great thing to have, but so many times during high school, I held myself back from super cool experiences because I was afraid that since I didn’t initially have a plan, I would make a fool of myself, or I thought I wasn’t good enough to pursue the subject at hand. Once I realized this, I learned that in many ...
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Eldest Sibling

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    I was mindlessly scrolling through TikTok when I came upon a poem by an anonymous person that described how being the eldest daughter shapes different aspects of your personality. I resonated with this, especially the line, “to teach the young souls the boundaries / you learned a little too late / to only fall apart in private,” so the poem I created builds around that. Here is a link to the TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnCbEpr/ Here is my poem: I’ll take the blame for you over and over again But how much can a heart take? I know you look up to me, and I’m honored you do But I’m not even half of our parents’ age I make the mistakes so you don’t repeat them I start your journeys so you can complete them I teach you all the things I learned too late But I’m not sure how much longer I can do this until I break I only let my emotions take over me when sleep takes over everyone For if they saw me, I know I’d be invalidated without question I’ve learned to become a li...
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Songwriting

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    It's who-knows-what-time in the night. Your body is lying still, but your mind is circulating one phrase. Instead of counting sheep, you're counting how many syllables the combination of words that thematically, impactfully, and melodically rhyme with that phrase must be. Then, after pouring your heart into your lyrics, you try to come up with a melody that creates the perfect sensations to convey your message as you transform your brain dump into something more beautiful - a song.      In my world, where I was constantly made to conceal my emotions growing up, singing/songwriting is a brightly-lit window of emotional freedom. Being an art of discovery of yourself and the world around you, it serves as my connection to society. When I was younger, poetry seemed like a language of its own. I vividly remember sitting in Mrs. Wright’s class in eighth grade, staring at words that were far too complicatedly-placed for my mind to even be willing to comprehend...
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Final Run

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     During the first semester of AP English, I learned quite a bit about my writing style and myself. First, I discovered that I find a lot of thrill in procrastinating. I hate procrastinating in things non-school-related, but for some reason, I procrastinated so much last semester for schoolwork. I have not had as many 11:58 pm submissions in all of my high school years as I did in the first semester of my senior year. The sense of urgency of starting and finishing a project during the last few hours (sometimes minutes) before a deadline brings me an adrenaline rush like no other. However, that can have highly adverse effects and start to impact various areas of my life, so this semester, I will stop myself from getting addicted to procrastinating the majority of the assignments I have (I say this while procrastinating other homework that is due earlier but yes, I will try haha).      As for some positive things taken from the first semester, I found a wr...
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Suffering instead of being bored to feel like you have a life

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     It's Sunday morning. You slept in after a long week and are no longer sleep-deprived. You envision yourself completing all of your homework, chores, and errands. But, you decide to pull out your phone and scroll through endless content online that trains your short-term memory and kills your long-term memory. You aren't enjoying the act particularly - you're actually really bored. However, you don't want to start doing your work, although you know there will be consequences. So, to relieve yourself of this boredom, you keep scrolling for a chance you will find something online that will allow you to spiral down in it as it encapsulates your mind. You put your phone down when you get a headache, then back at your phone only to realize it is already past noon! You groggily get up, brush your teeth, and go to the kitchen to make lunch since it's too late for breakfast. It's Sunday, right?! You should be enjoying the day, performing each action in a pleasant an...
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Fat + random brain dump on Othello's behavior

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    In Will Shakey’s Othello , once Iago lies to Othello about Desdemona and Cassio having an affair, he completely changes his views and lets his suspicion drive him to treat Desdemona poorly without allowing her to speak her truth. In no way do I support Othello’s behavior, but in a much less extreme sense, I have felt a few things similar to how Othello feels about Desdemona.      Where Othello felt jealousy, I felt anxiety. Othello never allows Desdemona to speak her truth; any time she does, he denies her. When I was at a time when I was incredibly insecure about everything about myself and was also in a relationship (those two do not go well together for your mental health lol), I would always question why the other person stayed. Although I knew they were incredibly loyal, I feared they would one day cheat on me, lose interest, or abruptly leave. As a result, I always lived in anxiety and doubt, which constantly clouded my head even though, in the ba...
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