Can you truly escape your family?

    As much as I’m sure some people wish they could escape from their family, one cannot completely do so. In my book club novel, The Vanishing Half, two sisters named Desiree and Stella run from their racist hometown, Mallard (her hometown of mostly light-skinned black people). Stella was initially reluctant to escape Mallard (her hometown of mostly light-skinned black people). Finally, Desiree, her twin sister, encouraged her to leave, and Stella gave in. However, although Stella was so attached to her racial identity at first, she decided to separate from Desiree and raise a family far away from Mallard.

    Stella’s secretive, selfish, and runaway characteristics are reflected in her daughter, Kennedy, although Kennedy has a vastly different lifestyle than Stella does. Kennedy is an actress and a singer…just like her mother. Wait, what? Stella is involved in the performing arts? Well, no, not literally. Her job is as a secretary at a marketing firm. But, boy, is she quite the actress. Putting on a show of being a white woman for the rest of her life, Stella doesn’t just play the part but gets lost in the performance - over time, her actions no longer had to be faked. Though she was still hiding behind the curtains by hiding her identity, she indeed played the role of a white woman alive at the time, even being racist to her own kind. As Stella hides her true self from her family, Kennedy does the same without realizing it. Stella wants Kennedy to pursue an academic major, but Kennedy hides the fact that she wants to pursue acting and runs away to New York to do so. While one may say that Stella and Kennedy do not share similar characteristics, that is questionable. As much as Kennedy wanted to get away from Stella, she still did what Stella would do if she was in Kennedy’s position. She escaped, just like her mother. While trying to physically escape her family (in this case: Stella), she failed to mentally do so. She still carried parts of her mother’s personality with her, which were too far ingrained in Kennedy for her to be relieved of them. Kennedy can try to escape Stella all she wants, but her mother will always play a significant role in her everyday actions, decisions, personality, etc.

This is similar to what Conan Gray was conveying in his song “Family Line,” which you can listen to here: Conan Gray - Family Line (Official Lyric Video). Just as Kennedy inherited some of Stella’s negative traits, Conan expresses how he is effective at lying, just like his mother. The main message of this song is to show how, in Conan’s words, one “can run but (one) can’t hide from (their) family line.”

Conan, after realizing he “can run but (he) can’t hide from his family line”:

    I find the same parent-child similarities in my life as well. Although I am fortunate enough to have a loving family that I do not wish to escape, there are small moments when I realize that I am doing exactly what they would do or have remarkable similarities. For example, I get very excited around friends and procrastinate on paperwork like my mom. I have the same taste in clothes and food as my dad. We also have a similar study style (more like I have a similar study style as him, considering that he was born well before me and his study style was already established by the time I was born). My younger brother and I have similar coping mechanisms in times of distress (humor, music, and crying…I know these sound cliche, but there is a specific way in which we use those coping mechanisms that make us so connected). Even if I were to escape my family like Kennedy (and Stella) did, I would still carry all of those characteristics. There would be no way to ultimately be unlike my family. Here is a website showing how someone’s family shapes the way they are: https://www.businessinsider.com/how-your-parents-behaviors-shape-who-you-are-today-2019-7#if-your-parents-taught-you-social-skills-youre-more-likely-to-get-a-college-degree-and-a-high-paying-job-2

    Though we may not realize it, our family shapes us into who we are. Kennedy took on Stella’s traits, clearly shown while Kennedy tried to escape Stella. Conan Gray realized his “family line” was reflected in him [though it took a lot of thought and coming to terms with (regarding Conan’s Twitter post below)]. Many things I do and like are just what the people closest to me do and like as well. Though it may be beneficial for someone to come out of a toxic family, I don’t think there is ever a way for them to truly escape. There will always be at least a small part of someone’s family reflected in an individual.