Eldest Sibling

    I was mindlessly scrolling through TikTok when I came upon a poem by an anonymous person that described how being the eldest daughter shapes different aspects of your personality. I resonated with this, especially the line, “to teach the young souls the boundaries / you learned a little too late / to only fall apart in private,” so the poem I created builds around that. Here is a link to the TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnCbEpr/

Here is my poem:

I’ll take the blame for you over and over again

But how much can a heart take?

I know you look up to me, and I’m honored you do

But I’m not even half of our parents’ age

I make the mistakes so you don’t repeat them

I start your journeys so you can complete them

I teach you all the things I learned too late

But I’m not sure how much longer I can do this until I break

I only let my emotions take over me when sleep takes over everyone

For if they saw me, I know I’d be invalidated without question

I’ve learned to become a light sleeper, afraid something will happen

I’ve lost sight of who I am, but if they know, they’ll be laughing

Who am I when I'm not healing our family’s pain,

When I'm not listening to the music of everyone’s complaints,

When I’m not serving as a therapist though I, myself am broken…

When I’m not trying to convey my feelings but am outspoken?

I want you to live the life I never could

To not worry about which parent to comfort, to feel understood

But as you smile, I cannot help but think

That my childhood was stolen from me in a blink